The very fact that I am posting an entry at such ridiculous hours just goes to show how pissed I am.

So pissed that I cannot sleep.

Nice.

It is a long story and to cut it short, I am utterly flabbergasted at how anyone can be such a negative externality.

And if anyone recall, negative externality means the cost this person/good brings to the society is more than the benefits he/she/it brings.

So if I am to put it crudely, we call this jia liao bi in Hokkien. Wasting Earth's resources.

Am I expecting too much? I swear I have been trying to be as patient as I could. But the person's nonchalant attitude just puts me off. Totally.

If your heart was never there, attitude was never right, then you jolly well don't take on the responsibility.

School is coming to an end (almost) and I wonder why I am dreading what is ahead - work (that is if I can find one), otherwise shit work (even worse), surgery, change of environment blah, and missing what I am going to leave behind soon.

I am guessing this is just part of my nostalgic crave. Like how I had a bit of longing for the ridiculous work environment I had at Premiere Plastics. Fancy missing stress.

On a side note, my thesis is done (YAY!) but I won't get to see the final copy in hardcover bind because the print shop will be doing the delivery to my professors.

I really think this paper is awesomely done. Haha. Love the topic.

Media Regulation presentation went unexpectedly smoothly. The clock saved us from being bombarded with questions, particularly by Prof :|

And we even had time for pictures!

The big test is here.

JK has decided to further his studies in US beginning this August, for up to 2 years.

What worries me is, paradoxically, that we are not worrying.

You see, our relationship has never been like a sticky tape (I think I stick to my work more than to him). Any more than two times of meet ups in a week becomes too much. It was never a routine to kiss each other good night, or say "I love you" everyday. Neither do we expect each other to prioritize our relationship over everything else. In fact, we are obsessed with our careers, work and school, rather than with each other.

So when he goes overseas, this already-not-sticky tape starts to wear off. But technology is so advanced, we have Skype, you say. But things just aren't that simple. Feeling down and lonely in a foreign land, he decides to ring me. And then he suddenly realizes this call is going to eat up your lunch dollar (considering that charges can go up to $3 per min??), he drops the idea. The laptop comes into view and he decides to log onto msn, skype, web cam whatever. Then the wireless signal got so bad that both of us just gave up talking online because the lag just takes forever. Otherwise, the time difference just pissed both of us off.

And it is not helping that he will not be flying back at all during those 2 years and I won't have the luxury of taking time off work(unless I seduce my boss) to fly there.

He has complete faith in our relationship. That he will not stray. That I will not stray. But what scares me is precisely our complacency. Because we do not worry, we do not take the extra effort to log onto that damn Internet and set up that darn webcam. Because we do not worry, we think not talking for a week is totally fine since we are busy; as long as we have each other in our hearts. Because we do not worry, we do not throw tantrums or kick up a big fuss when one party doesn't turn up for the Skype meeting.

Because we do not worry, the relationship is slowly slipping away and by the time we realized it, we have stopped being part of each others' lives.

And that is not taking the possibility of third parties into consideration.

Paulo Coelho said in his book The Alchemist that love should support, and not hinder. Put myself in JK's shoes and I would want my dear ones to support me in my ventures as well, and not use love to tie me down.

Tough test to sit for and to make things worse, this is not a test you can prepare for.

Bleah